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So you call yourself Taiwanese?

Let's be objective. While I can't claim that Taiwan IS part of the People's Republic of China, it is definitely not a country/nation. Internationally and politically, it is never considered as a country/nation. So does the term 'Taiwanese' actually make sense? NO! Taiwanese is neither an ethnicity nor a nationality. Therefore, it is nothing. It doesn't even make sense. And dear Chinese (ethnically) from Taiwan, if you guys wanna claim your little island as Republic of China, you're still Chinese. Interesting!

And let's talk about the 'language' some of you term as 'Taiwanese'. Ignorant. There is no language as 'Taiwanese' because what you mean by that is actually a dialect of the Chinese ethnicity. And that dialect is just a branch of the Chinese language. By the way, you guys write in Traditional Chinese, not Taiwanese right? Please only claim yourselves as Taiwanese and speakers of the Taiwanese language only when you guys are officially recognized as a country/nation internationally, and when you have invented a real language. You can make it really similar to Chinese though. We won't mind. Just like the romantic languages, and Kanji of the Japanese language. But before then, there IS no such thing as the language, Taiwanese. Please be less ignorant and stop humiliating us, Chinese.

Everything that's done cannot be undone.

I really don't regret doing anything even if that thing I have done might not be totally right. What is the point of regretting? I don't regret. Regretting only makes me live in misery and that is not the life I wanna lead. So no regrets in anything. I made the decisions; I move on. I really don't wanna feel bad for having done something that was actually morally wrong. I wanna feel happy for everything I have done. Mistakes are part of my life. In fact, I don't think it was a mistake at all. Because I don't care... If you know what I'm talking about. (Of course you don't, except a few.)

And I'm really happy that some things can be resolved and forgiven. I love them! He's finally talking to me again, not like a jerk. I am happy that we can still be friends, because if not I'll feel like I got totally cheated(?). Maybe not cheated but... just really resenting. Okay anyway I still love him, as a friend of course! He's been sweet these days. It's nice to have the nice him back into my life again!

GOSH I WANNA COMPLAIN ABOUT XIAXUE

I've always been very impressed with Xiaxue and everytime I read her blog entries I feel really 'close' to her (even tho that's not true), because I totally agree with her points and criticisms and etc. well... then I happened to open this previous post of hers today... it's under her list of "classics", titled "One fat lotus" under that list (on the right hand side of her blog) and the actual title of the post was somehow "Dear Miss Furong". well, I really have to say it's damn classic and funny, BUT not totally from a non-Singaporean AND, in fact, Chinese (Chinese as in citizen of China) perspective.

For the first time I feel defensive against her... basically because... of these:

"Well, erm, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but you are too fat. Maybe in China, it is a trend to resemble a walrus, but in Singapore, I assure you you are considered to be too fat. Even I, with my infinitely small 22.5" waist, am said to be fat by the ridiculously high standards set by Singaporean boys."

"Speaking of exercise, I also suggest you get to a pool (coincidentally does China have swimming pools?) "

I was totally shocked that Xiaxue, an interesting and smart blogger (I'm not being sarcastic at all), would have written such subjective and shallow stuff.

First of all, it is not a trend to look like a walrus in China. And mind you, you're short and flabby so it's totally understandable that you're considered fat even with you tiny waist. And it is totally not wise to judge a whole country based on ONE VERY INFAMOUS person. Also, how shallow it is to say "does China have swimming pools?" Seriously that is such a disgusting sentence that I don't even wanna talk about it. Seriously... does she think being Singaporean is very prestigious?
I've met a whole lot of fugly and annoying Singaporeans but that did not make me despise the entire Singapore! Come on, every society has fugly and pretty people. Putting down an entire country just because of one very fugly person is very unwise. Well I guess the whole point is not about pretty or not, it's about her shallowness. So what does xiaxue think about China?? a poor and undeveloped country? funny enough. Well let me tell you something, whatever Singapore has, China has, and there're a lot of things that China has, Singapore doesn't, period.


Btw, there're these retards who commented:

Midnight said...
"I left her some bad comments and abandon her blogs. Sigh* this furongjiejie just does not know what the fuck she is doing. I just do not understand why she can be popular in PRC. If she goes naked on a street, man who runs away from her. Oh, and dogs will run too. She is worst than a bitch. I think she wants to be a celebrity but she is on the wrong path. insteads getting on a celebrity path. She is heading to hell."

Miko will be born in 3yrs time.. :P said...
"Hi Xiaxue,She look like a piece of shit.. We, Singaporean gals r much much prettier & chioer than her.. & yup, u r rite.. She look super FAT!!"

Of course I didn't have the patience to look through all the comments but the two I just happened to have read are both retarded enough for me to criticize on. I think it's obvious enough that the Midnight person's English sucks. But that's fine. What about..."she's popular in PRC..." Hell no?? She's notorious. People like to mock at her because she's fucking fugly yet narcissistic. And for that 2nd person (whose nickname is too long)... When she said "We, Singaporean gals..." I suppose she's referring to all Singaporean gals? Oh so all Singaporean girls look better that FRJJ? very LAUGH-ABLE. (I'm lazy to explain.)

However, I will continue to read Xiaxue's blog because she is, afterall, funny and smart. I am objective.

wooo it's 6.23am!

I have been screwing up my body clock cruelly by sleeping for the entire day and staying up for the entire night. Yes I haven't slept since last night and no I didn't just get up from bed! haha cos Shsh saw me online yesterday at 5am and asked why I got up so early... when I actually was about to go to bed. Well, maybe if I do this forever (if I don't have to go to classes), then I'd be able to maintain a healthy cycle of sleeping during the day and work at night. I mean it will be healthy eventually if my body just totally switches to that clock right? so what about that "myth" about beauty sleep?(beauty sleep = 11pm to 3am ) If I totally sleep from 6am to 3pm then maybe my beauty sleep hours will be 7-11am??? I think that is totally possible. But of course it is not possible now when I have obligations like going to classes...(yeeks!) (you're not xiaxue you know!)

Yea right but sometimes I really wish I can stay up forever cos sleeping is such a waste of time. I don't enjoy sleeping, I just have to. And I think some youngsters (in Singapore) who claim that their hobby is sleeping actually mean they want to sleep, not that they love sleeping. They say that because they don't have time to sleep because of heavy (school-)workload. If I can, I'd really love to stay up forever because I can do so many much more interesting and meaningful things with the time wasted in sleeping.

(change topic:)

I really am very upset that nowadays I haven't been doing much art. sigh...! I really wanna get my artsy self back. I wanna paint/sketch/take pictures/design something. It's my most beloved forte and now I'm letting it creeping out of my life. I will catch it before it's totally drained off me. Seriously! Get my life back!

(change topic again:)

I am dying to go to Florida! But it sounds too cool for a mere 7days trip. I really wanna spend an entire month at some cool places like that. Hmmm... Maybe that will be possible after I retire... sounds very sad. I can totally imagine how Cyndi and I go crazy in Florida. Even though she might be less happy than I will be... cos she doesn't like beaches for some reasons ;)

Oh yea before I forget, here's a shopping list before I go:

. dark tanning oil (need to find out which brand is the best, not most popular but best)

. post-tan soothing gel (maybe tt banana boat one)

. a polaroid and films (I've been craving for it for ages.)

. watercolor, watercolor paper(a book preferably, i hope there's artfriend here...), new brushes (I think I left everything at home :S)

(unnecessary desires)

. new pair of specs (black frames!)

. a pair of oxfords (not any pair though, my eyes for fashion are hard to be satisfied)

. new boots

P.S. I hate this blog template RAAAARRRRRRHHH!

Can I commission yg to do one for me? I'm too lazy and IT unsavvy. :(

time is the solution to everything :)

Yay I think I have totally gotten over the Spencer-down-time! Yay! He seems so distant to me nowadays. He never keeps in touch and never even try to talk to me when I did. And that made me totally realize how unimportant I am to him now and how I should totally heck him. And yes I am hecking him already. Or I should say, when I think of him now, it seems so distant and far away from the reality I am living in right now. He's out of my life! And I realized that I only liked the Spencer who liked me. And nowadays, he's been like a jerk to me so I kinda really don't wanna talk to him anymore. Maybe it's kinda sad that in actual fact he might still be a great friend to have, but because of some past we had together, we can't be good friends anymore. I guess it was a mistake altogether to date with him and lose a friend. I mean people in college rarely commit themselves to that kind of serious relationships, I just realized. 

It was really shocking to me. And I think I really like the American culture in this sense: that they don't mis-use "love", don't commit to a relationship easily. I really am a realistic person than a idealistic one. And I think casual relationships are fine, unlike some very idealistic people who think that sex is only for people with TRUE LOVE. I mean if you need something physically then just get it. Seriously, so what about true love, what the hell is true love. Everything changes, so does love. I only believe in friendship love because you can have as many friends as you want but there're more rules for relationships. And these rules make it more vulnerable because when one of these rules is broken the relationship is at risk. Eg you can't have more than one spouse because that is just against the rule! So if one day you meet someone whom you love more than your current spouse but too bad you're already married and too bad you didnt meet this love before you meet your spouse, then are you gonna break the rule or are you gonna live in misery for the rest of your life? I prefer the former. omg I don't even know what I'm ranting about already.

Ok, I mean if you are unsure what's going to happen in the future because you don't even know where yourself is going to be, then why commit? Why live in a idealistic world of your own when the actual world is realistic. Fuck the Idealists. If a so-called relationship can only last 2 months then don't even call it a relationship. I think that's fling. And that's exactly where I made the mistake: lack of observation. I really think relationship should be carefully thought through before any move is made. One of my friends has been together with her bf for 4 years now and they're still sweet. because she decided to wait and observe and not hastily deciding to go out with him immediately. And I think she's totally thoughtful.

However, I don't despise people who go on casual relationships like flings. Come on, I'd rather you don't commit yourself than breaking the commitments. If you are unsure of the two of you, just don't commit. Don't ask her to be your girlfriend and break up in two months. That is totally sucky. Go eat shit and die to idealists.

Well basically, (this post is totally not very organized) all I really wanna say is: I really appreciate the fact the American college students do not commit in serious relationships easily because they are unsure of their own future, and so they don't wanna mess things even more with another person. I'd rather wanna date someone who can have that kind of farsightedness so that I don't have to be stressed about hiding my idea of I-know-we-are-definitely-going-to-break-up-some-day.

boring updates...

Here again shall update my blog of some chronological happenings so far...

I am doing transfers! and I might be taking SAT again in March if there's a vacancy for me... cos I missed the deadlines and have to go as stand-by... But still, sounds pretty good to me and i'm quite motivated lately hahaha for some reasons i dont know. This motivation thing started a week ago when I stayed up for the whole night and decided to take a one-hour nap and conveniently fell asleep and overslept and missed a French quiz and a math mid-term. dots. seriously, nowadays i can't hear my alarm clock at all. I was woken up by cyndi this morning, or afternoon i should say, at 12pm when I was supposed to be in French class. Yea I only got up at 12pm. actually it was 12.05pm. and I rushed around and put on a hoody and ran for class. I cannot pon French anymore. I've used up all my unexcused absences. so it's better late than never. I'd rather be late for 30mins for a 50-min class than not go. anyway i just digressed on the alarm clock issue. basically, back to the motivation topic, after I missed that French quiz and math mid-term, I got suddenly very motivated 'cause I was certain that I must do really well for the rest of the quarter, even though there's not much of it left lol! so yea. and I even felt like if i have no party like that's fine... as long as I ace my academics in denver and transfer to a much better college then I don't mind being dorky at all. for some reasons in those couple of days I had a feeling that only academics matter to me then. but of course I think I'm back to my normal self now. well maybe some bits of the motivation still lingers in me, hopefully!

They're sweet and lovely but torturous.

Memories with him are totally cute and sweet of course, but they're torturous. How miserable is it to have lovely memories which you absolutely miss but understand that they will never come back? Memories of the awesome him is totally torturous 'cause they just keep reminding me of how awesome he was and yet... he's no longer mine and never will be again.

Yet, I still want these memories. At least we had some good time together. I don't wanna lose these precious little things in life. Isn't these misses and regrets the most tasteful of life? I love feeling this kind of bittersweet sensations. They make me feel that I've had a life.